Tuesday, October 5, 2010

In a manner of speaking…

Do you remember your parents or grandparents telling you to “mind your manners” when you were a kid?  I was always baffled by what they took for poor manners – c’mon, what really is the difference between my elbows and my forearms when it comes to the edge of the table – but recently I’ve begun to think about this topic with a little more fervor.   Having just returned from 2 international trips in the last month, I am again struck by the differences in manners among the societies I have been in; and I find myself sounding a lot like those older folks wondering what has happened to manners in places like the US and UK.  In Japan, for example, they still queue to get on trains and buses, still willingly letting a person step in front if the arrival in line is a tie, and still keep one of the world’s largest cities amazingly clean.  When I posed the question as to how this could be on Facebook (a whole different discussion on manners), one of my friends replied that the difference is pride.

 Maybe it is especially acute as I write today, having just been through an airport where I can’t help but wonder why those who fly seem to lose all concept of decorum with their fellow passengers and the airline workers, and having just read an article about how smartphones make it easy and seemingly acceptable to be late to anything provided we text or email that we are.  What about the idea of e-mail manners, such as when to use – or not use – reply to all?  We have a client who refuses to reply to all, and yet another who replies to all when telling jokes or hurling  caustic electronic comments.  Maybe I’m becoming those parents and grandparents, but I can’t help but desire a world where I can go to the movies without people on the phones, fly on a plane without somebody’s diva-like temper tantrums, disagree on matters of policy without someone being “offended” and still have it be OK to hold the door for someone.  So Jim, what in the name of all that is proper does this have to do with virtual working?  Quite a lot, actually.

 People who work virtually have a strong interest in thinking about – and adjusting to – the manners of others.  In fact, when you work outside of the traditional office environment, it becomes even more important to think about how you interact with others and how you need them to interact with you; and then you can adjust accordingly.  When we don’t see people in person, body language is out of the equation but tone, inflection and the sound of the voice is.  When we communicate more through text, e-mail and other e-means, we need to be ever more vigilant about how we come across.  It means we have to take time to think about things from points of view beyond on own.  When we have instant access to getting our thoughts sent in an e-mail, a text,  a tweet, or a status we risk missing the luxury of taking a precious few minutes to stop, take a deep breath and reconsider whether what we want to say or do is really appropriate. At the end of it all, not everything that enters our head deserves to be posted.  Those who work remotely get this.  They have to, because to compromise it means they compromise the very nature of remote work itself.   Seems like that’s yet another reason I am so passionate about this remote work stuff.  It has the potential to make us better people.

This may seem like a preachy rant, and maybe it is.  If so, challenge me on it through your observations, comments and questions.  Remember it’s OK to disagree; just mind your manners.

 – Jim